I was apprehensive about tuning in to Single Ladies… I was afraid that we single ladies and Black women in particular would be illustrated in a negative light. I must say I was impressed. These are successful women who make mistakes just like the next woman… or man for that matter. The “single person’s” characteristics of lack of trust, high hopes, and retracting were all there.
Now I’m usually one to be on the guys side, don’t get me wrong… I ride for my ladies, but lets face it: we are something else ladies. (Notice I said “we”). Anyway… if you watched Single Ladies I’m sure you were familiar with Jerry and Val’s relationship (Stacey Dash and her fellow). I was totally impressed with Jerry. Which led me to my title HE GOT GAME! In my eyes, Jerry was the man! He pampered her, he was patient, he was honest, he was successful, he was attentive,…. yes he had a past, but he didn’t have baggage 😉 ….
*note: (The difference in having a past and having baggage: a past is just that, in the past. The past is evident and positive when your actions show that you have learned from it. Baggage is carried with you. It is evident and negative when your actions show that you have not let go of the past and/or learned from it.)
Jerry taught me that I should be patient with my suitor and that he should be just as patient with me. Jerry was the definition of “game”. See the male has the game, the plays, the moves, but ladies… we choose whether or not he gets playing time or the bench… or fired for that matter! But as coaches/owners of the team… we must pay him according to his worth: What is he devoting to the team? Is he devoted to the team? Does he show for practice …on time? Is he into the groupies (which gives our team a bad rep –you getting played and everyone knows it)? Is he constantly on the look out for another team/opportunity? Does he deserve endorsements (like meeting friends/family)? Is he bringing the team wins or losses? (You know a man can bring you down and you’ll be singing the song “I can do bad by myself” or a man can bring something to the table and you both can increase from each other). I could go on and on with this PERFECT metaphor… But you get my drift!
Jerry’s actions said it all. Val set her standards and he dealt with them because he truly wanted her. Any man who wants you will follow your rules. It’s not about RULES like you’re a teacher or something, its waaaaaay more subtle than that. It’s about commanding respect and showing him your worth with out being a bitch or demanding. Val simply said, “I don’t want to rush. I want to take it slow and just get to know you even before our first kiss” and Jerry honored that because she was sincere and serious about her standards. He waited and he got the kiss! He even bathed her and put her to bed without expecting anything sexual from her… but the icing on the cake is he already knew what it would lead to … yes he knew he would get the kiss, yes he’d get the goodies, but while he waited– he’d also gained her trust.. deeper affection.. deeper connection… and when a woman sees that you’re not ONLY after her for the goodies… IT. IS. ON.
So my point is… Men, if your game is tight…SEX is not an “if” it’s a when… And if you’re really into her then “when” has no deadline and the deadline isn’t a worry because it will come… and Women, know you’re worth! Granted men have needs & can’t wait forever and we women want it just as much… But in a situation deeper than sex, real men prioritize a woman’s need for a mental and spiritual connection over the physical, because he knows that once those needs are met there’s only a matter of time before the physical is a mutual desire. And isn’t it beautiful to be on the same page….